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The Past

Tuesday, May 09, 2006
-*inner lies*-

I often tell myself I am going to forget some of the things from the past. Not particular though, as I still hold on very dearly to a number of "events" from my personal history. Many I would like very dearly to forget, including even a few people, but there remains some genuine emotion and joy that I find in reflective thinking. I find it very thought-provoking, especially things are dug up at an angle I did not approach with my own shovel.

All of this ponderance reminds me how individualistic I really am. Unfortunately it hurts my state of being to a large extent, and I often find myself not being able to be someone I truly want to be. I have become more complicated than I ever wished to be. Some may find this shocking, a few may see it as normal (depending on your Knowledge (Grey) skill check), and still others will scratch their head in amusement, laughter, or plain dumbfoundedness. Why have I led this life of mystery? It comes to my attention that the people that I consider close friends, at least the one or two that I do, have no knowledge of parts of me that defined my life at one point.

My past, something I had nearly forgotten and once even tried to discard, came back tonight. In a sense I did not know how to deal with this. The same feeling of uncomprehensible wantedness overcame me. Why me? I always ask. I get an answer, but it doesn't click. It's like dry-firing a revolver--relieving to hear the empty click. My life can't be solved by a game of Russian Roulette. It simply is not the simple. When did it become so complex? It takes many years to weave such a tangled web and everyday I work on it a little more, unknowingly adding more content, usually in the form of lies and bullshit, to said web.

I've become so enthralled in my own world lately, both in the real and fantasy worlds, that I am begining to feel more human as the days progress. The environments are beginning to merge and the need for responsibility in the real world is mimicked only by my duties in the fantasy realm. Yes, I am weird. Twenty three years old now and still haven't figure out how to online-bank, but I sure can slay a mean dragon. In fact I've probably killed enough monsters in the years I have been alive to fill thirty lifetime's worth of days. Could be forty, but who's counting? I usually lose track after four..

My life has been limited only by the experiences that others allow me to endure. I can only feel so much love as I have been given; only fight so many lizardmen as my fellow adventurers want. What is true freedom? Surely it is not found in the texture of the real world, the pixelated realm of computer gaming, or even the imaginary treks in Dungeons & Dragons.

I love,
I live,
I've never learned.

Some day perhaps, some day.

Much love to everyone. Have a great day.

Grey (4:02 AM)

Friday, May 05, 2006

"Man I love Rockland!" Jacob was elated. "Now that I'm through with all that I can get a real job!"
"Sure can J!" Brad gave Jacob a hard slap on the back.

All was well this day. High School was over. They had graduated. Jacob wanted nothing more than to find a nice place where he didn't have to live by their rules anymore. In this world that was the norm. Adults couldn't rule your life once you graduated, and only suckers went to college.

"Nanuet High School! FUCK YOU!" Jacob raised a bright, shining middle finger toward the sky, aimed at that building he would never have to step foot in ever again. Brad joined in of course, not as excited, or at least not showing it.

"We meeting Mia anywhere for celebration?" Brad asked.
"Yeah she should be at the corner shop down the road."
"Nice. We getting coffee or something?"
"Yeah man. 'coffee'. You want some 'coffee'?"
"You know I do. What flavor?"
"I'm kinda in the mood for Bud flavor, maybe Corona. It IS the 5th y'know."
"Ooooh word! Yeah it is dude. I'll pay for the limes. This'll be some good coffee."

And down the street they went. In the distance Jacob could see Mia in a long pink flowery dress that hugged her body in all the right places, playing with her necklace. He raised his sunglasses to his brow and squinted to get a better look. Just then he felt so lucky. He looked over to Brad out of the corner of his eye but he was busy kicking rocks with his hands dug deep down in his pockets. Maybe he already got a look and was playing some pool.

When she finally saw him coming she ran toward him and leapt into his arms, wrapping her legs around him, kissing him all over.
"Jacob!" She was so happy to see him.
"Heh hey babe." was his clever response.
"Hey Mia." Brad gave her a quick greeting and just as quick a glance.
"So whatcha boys wanna do today?" She asked.
"Buy some coffee." Brad replied quickly, chuckling a bit.
"You two and your lingo. You'd think you two were gay."
"Well I thought about it once.." Jacob said jokingly, puckering his lips, throwing kisses at Brad.
"Yeah but you were too ugly to get any guys." Brad poked.
"It's cool. I like pussy better anyway."

Mia smirked at Jacob and took his hand. The three went into the shop and bought two six-packs of Corona. Brad put four limes in his pocket.
"Guess we're all set! Let's get outta here."
Jacob nodded at Brad and they headed down the street to Brad's place. They drank for a couple of hours and Brad passed out on the bed. Jacob and Mia went downstairs to cuddle on the couch, which quickly escalated into better things.

Mia paused for a moment to feel Jacob. He gave her a strange look. Her eyes were passionate and firery. She rode hard and came. She rested on her side a bit and began to speak, invigorated by his presence. She started softly, then her tone rose to a gleeful pitch.
"Let's go on a trip Jacob, y'know, to celebrate."
"Yeah? Where at babe?"
"Nowhere in particular. Actually I already booked it. We're going to the shore next weekend."
"Damn you're a good woman. Thinking about me and shit. I been wanting to get out of this place for a little while now."
"Well now's our chance, but you gotta prove it to me first."
"I think I got something in mind."
"Not that silly. Tell me you love me."
"I love you babe. You know I do."
"Suuuuure, that's what they all say!" She jokingly mocked.
"Yeah yeah. 'all' huh!? Heh don't make me hit you!" he replied back just as jokingly.
"You couldn't hurt a fly Jacob, especially not one with beautiful wings." As she said this she played with her breasts a little for him.
"Guess you're right. When do we leave?"
"Next Friday. Take off work! And don't forget to call in this time J." she scolded.
"Cool. Not a problem. I'll call them right now."

So the plan was set, and all was well. For now.

~Seven Times Once, Chapter 8

Grey (12:27 AM)

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Happy birthday to me.

Thank you to all the people that called, even though only like two of you actually read this. I appreciate being reminded that I'm getting older! Heh, I guess I should enjoy the one day of the year no one is allowed to bitch at me. I even took the day off from Final Fantasy, until tonight that is. Actually I have a 12-page paper to write that is due tomorrow by 5pm so it's not really a choice.

Fuck I'm lazy...

Blah blah, STO coming soon. It's written, and I'll post this weekend "on time". Sorry for the delay but there's been finals and I've been touching up the chapters properly.

Grey (3:20 PM)



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