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The Past

Sunday, March 28, 2004
-*unexpected dustings*-

Sam died today.

Sam the dog. He was attacked by the pitbull nextdoor, like Hershey was about 2 months ago. Sam didn't survive the attack, though. I'm sure he went down with a fight. Sam was murdered. He received 12 puncture wounds throughout his body as well as a torn esophagus and a broken skullcap. Sam didn't have a chance. Sam was mortal but he fought like a savior because that is what he knew he could do for us.

Maybe Sam wasn't the best dog, but he did not deserve this.

I wanted to post this for all those friends, old and new, who may have known Sammi for who he really was.

Sam was loyal.
He was a little psychotic, but he was a good dog. He was loyal to grandma and my mom. Although he didn't get along with my dad at any point in time, he stopped biting my dad. Something happened to Sam at some point two years ago. He realized the meaning of respect. He ceased biting my dad and saw that living under someone's roof demanded a certain amount of respect from him toward his owners.

Sam was understanding.
Sam was faithful to Golden. Wherever Golden trod, Sam was right behind him, watching him, licking him on the face, telling him things to dog-speak that only he and Old One-eye could understand. Somehow, they got along and whatever magic it was that Sam had, he used it for good.

Sam was silly.
Sometimes Sam would feel like he wasn't loved, and all he wanted so much in life was to be loved by others even though he was different. Just because he wasn't a cocker spaniel in the mad house we call our home, he still wanted attention. Sam would jump up on your lap and bury his nose into your crotch and stay there no matter how much you pet him, nudged him away, or kissed his head. He learned to love people and we learned to love him.

Sam was strong.
I know he didn't go down without a fight. Sam was protective of us and he would do the best he could to save us if only he had the chance. He learned this from Golden who was the Protector of our home. You stepped up when the former Protector could no longer do the duties he swore to do for our family. But we did not blame him, for we knew that you could the one to replace him and do just as good a job because you felt with your heart and weren't selfish.

So this post is for Sam, the Leader, the Truth, and the Lost.

Sam, I wished I had spent more time with you before you left. I hurt badly inside and I can't deal with losing you. I have lost so much in recent years and I never expected to lose you while I was away. I loved you Sam even though we didn't see eye-to-eye on things when Beba was out of the house. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to comfort you when you died. Sam, these tears are for you tonight. I am crying because I have lost someone close, someone I really did like more than I showed and someday maybe I'll realize that only pain comes from losing someone you really cared about and loved but never took the time to tell them as much. Goodnight Sam. Maybe I'm not Christian anymore, nor believe in God, but if it's all true, then may God accept you with open arms into that large field where doggies run around in heaven all day, free to roam and explore as they please, much like you did irl.

Sammi-kins Ronda (1992-2004)

We loved you Sam. We hope to see you in the next life, be there another.

Grey (1:17 AM)

Wednesday, March 24, 2004
-*quiet silence*-

Hush little child for the seas of the silk sense have succumb to the ages of top-down processing.
Reality is one in ten thousand possibility in a larger pool of possible possibilities.

A day of rest today is not. Feelings of desire overwhelm the soul and there are those who would consider love an honest concept. I wish thee luck is what I said, unsure of what I meant at all. The mice of happiness scamper about the crumbs of delight, scooping up arm-fulls at a time of the most copious emotions, storing them away for days on eve.

A light flashes there; sometimes I can't sleep. Blink *blink* Buh-linky-blink. Faces the other way now - sleep comes to pass.

The night was young,
Lin said to me.
Let's go out to eat
at Applebee's.
I said that's fine
and tagged along.
We'd go there, eat,
come back,
hit the bong.

Changes come
as changes be
a way to cope,
set my mind free.

A plane of anxiety, rush, patience, recharge, carpet, traveling, is on hand. Details of sorts, ask me for what-what. We'll see if I can answer.

Good luck, I said, nobody listens. And then a death ensues.

Take it easy palindromes.

Grey (10:19 AM)

Monday, March 15, 2004
-*slapdash mitten-boppers*-

The following advertisement is paid for by a following advertisement which is paying for the aforementioned advertisement.

SO I am becoming worried about some stuff these days. Like staying in school and figuring out how I'm going to get off my ass to do laundry before I go home. I need something clean to wear duh. But the mayhem isn't as devouring as I make it out to.. be on most days. The camera of the outside observer stares me in the face right now and the player who is playing my character in the MMORPG of my life is being a very lazy fuck about this game.

On the other hand, I think I've turned bolTON The Everhard(tm) onto coding for Seasons. I think it was more of a self-inflicted wound and one that may have been caused by the rusty, tetanus knife that is AoD. But it's cool. I wanted him to get a feel for where my roots lay I think. He has caught on really well and he is totally my type of gamer, except for maybe the FPS addiction, but I'd say that if this relationship were a Venn Diagram, that the middle gray area would be RPGs and MUDs for certain. All the games that reminisce character portrayal.

Certainly I should've watched that movie today for sure.

*cuucccuuushhhhh* That television static resembles the platonic platonic relationship between your mind and a commercial break.

If you would like to know more about how to begin and start sentences with synonymous words, please leave your name and number in the comment box or drop me an email if you do not wish to be harassed by other readers perusing the comments.


We will no return you to your regularly scheduled programming.. *dramatic pause with pose* *fLeX* Resuming programming..

But no man, I didn't think that that was cool at ALL. I mean, nobody should treat a woman that way just because she's f'ugly.
*voice in head: I think the readers are back*
*me: oh..*

I forgot to watch the (Not)movie.. yeah.. that's what I think it was. Something (true)about Paladin AF1 completed and how I now have a/n Honor Sword. It's my personal *preference* to be the *primary*[sentence](at) sword wielder and now I have the ultimate paladin sword for a long while (all). But the fact is also that one other member caught up to me. A Taru. He's cool. We talk a lot about PTs we're in together and not. He has a lot of heart playing warrior classes as a T. It's really awesome though. And Xerlic's char is like.. whoa/wow. Again, preference. m_ (_-_) _m

What say you guys though? I haven't given it a lot of thought really. Maybe I am speaking another language. The Tag Board has been dry lately too. I guess I need to switch hosting or something! The Frog Hat declined. We're staying.

The life of a mouse is ----------------------------------------------------------- x
joyful and
until you
stamp his
life out with hamplement ----------------------------------------------------------- x

Gunner-time showing. To the glass of the year, so crystal,
so blue. And the night was ample for country song
blues. A the song of the rapture was happy in
hue. And the colors of writer's license were captivating
truth that declared we were dead from the moment we began
yet sent us out forth to
. . .
. . . .
____'__'_,,and die.._'________'___'
. . . .
' we roamed the land.._

Moonsets are stubborn, they should never occur.

Grey (3:05 AM)

Tuesday, March 09, 2004
-*phase shift*-

Things are changing again.
In the good way perhaps.

I'm studying a little more, going to class again (I hope), and getting my work done on time. I still have a paper to write this week, due on Friday, but I'm sure I will get it done as I am allowed to write it on Gladiator.

I'm going on a trip end of May. I am hoping to also go on a trip to see America with Kaa, Xerlic, and Psionimoe. I hope that one works out, although it doesn't seem to be in very much planning now with the latter two taking intensive summer sessions come June. Well, hope for the best right? I've been telling myself that that's how I should live my life again. It seems to be going.

It's cool though. Life has been 'eh' lately. But then I had a visitor this weekend and it all seemed to go really well. Xerlic visited me. It was fun. We talked a bit about rl stuff, and mostly FFXI stuff. We played a little Guilty Gear X2 for kicks. He's still better, but that's to be expected right? (heh, I had lotsa fun)

I am going to try to make more people happy from now on. No, not my parents sillies, but people who I feel have the potential to improve the quality of my current lifestyle and possible even living in a long-term scope. For starters, me. I don't do a lick to make myself happy, just dumb. Yeah, I know I smoke a lot of weed and I'm not afraid to say it anymore. I smoked 3 times a day everyday. Today I finally ran dry and I think it's a good start. I have been medicated, sedated, retarded, significant, jerkesque, backwards, kite-ridden, pencil-leaded, and frog-hatted for too many months now and I am about ready to turn the pain into tomato soup and let the cats slurp it up.

A wanting
never so far as blue
to turn a fountain's
water a hue
of colour so bright
the reds are dead
driven electric kite
to discover anew
a feeling purer blue
of wanting, to have
that thing so true.

Someday we'll shed our feathers and fall away.

Grey (7:12 PM)

Monday, March 01, 2004
-*journey abroad indeed*-

I'm not vet, but shit, I've been to a lot of places in Final Fantasy XI now. I think I've covered most of the worldmap, having gotten my PLD to level 32 now, and my DRK to 10, and opening up other random advanced jobs (oh how I want to be a bard/whm). I don't think I will be playing this game much longer though. I'm starting to dissect it too much and it's still surprising each step of the way, honestly, but it's really just beginning to urk me.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say I'm still alive, as though anyone had really noticed I was missing in the first place. No, but I thought I'd write it because it was the first thing that came to mind. Also, I'd like to say that SoA is back in business. We have a new staff of young wizards who are really making a difference now with some challenging issues and some interesting quirky little code ideas and own special mechanics. QC is back up, and Neo's wrist has healed (hooray!). Troela hasn't replied to be about any of my mails in particular but I know he will before the week is out, or tomorrow if possible. Ainka is still doing well and Angan wants to re-write the entire wizrealm, which I foresee as being a huge task, but hella-worth it in the end.

Arya is having some balance trouble, but it's ok, she's nursing a child in her tummy, so maybe she needs a break from life for awhile. I can't teach her math, but I can help her remember to breath I guess. Marcatil is still... himself. Urien is hard at work still doing our SoA graveyard shifts, and twice a week he's in during the afternoons with his doors wide open. It's a good feeling indeed.

I figured out what I want to be when I grow up (again). Something not to regal or important sounding, fuck that. I'll improv it..
Freelance Game Concept Designer and Balance Coordinator?
If I can't do one, can I do the other, or hafta like the theme before I accept the work? I would love to do game balance and make really awesome, heavily balanced games for the hardcore RPG player.

Mood you say? Pondering FFXI algorithms and logic tables. Well, I was before ,but now I'm just high.

Toodles dry-skins

Grey (3:44 AM)



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