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The Past

Saturday, January 31, 2004
-*Post-haste climhazzardous material*-

I have grown up a rational man and submitted my life as an entry in every post I have ever made here. The wheels of the mind are becoming rusty, but are kept well-oiled. I take the time to piece the puzzle together on most days, yet on others, I remove the mice.

A sense of morality and desire guides me through my current endeavorous pursuit of non-fame and glory day'd mayhem pandemonious headstrong life-like realism, only to be a symbolic overture of sight, sound, and your everyday smell of fear. Perhaps I am taking it all too literally and it's really just Glenn's farts; never a pleasurable experience. In any case, I feel one with the wind of new. I will not leave the flesh behind until I have absolute confirmation and assurance that what I am doing is correct and "right" for me.

Fight or Flight?
Tend of Befriend.

Take you pick of the mass' choice to the wise. Your strategy; my strategy. Dasani water bottles and assorted fruit trail mix. Is that what I have been offered? Tell me when this will all be allowed and un-done. My patience wears thin, but is still squishy enough to soak up the large amount of bullshit I am being fed by The Cog. Stick a fork in 'em, I'm done.

Damage done eh? No, I'm not in denial sillies. I just thought it would make a cool header. Eventually I'll use this one and actually make a serious (*gasp*) comment on it. Yeah. Or not. I could totally be hats-off about it all. A few people I know _are_ in a state of denial but this word doesn't describe the nature of effect. Some of it is addiction, others, loneliness. Still more; desperation. It isn't denial, for that has no pure form. You cannot deny something unless there is something coherently mis-wronged about the situation.

Yesh ossifer?
*mumble mumble*
No, I haven't been dunking! and espekelly not in your roool.


Titties and beer
Amaretto, friends, cold bud ice, lack of sleep, hard nipples, and sweet O-3. Whoa. Sounds like last night.
*tosses morals out the window*
Yeah, I'll join the orgy. What the heck.
Well, lemme think about it.

Fin (not on fishies)

Grey (2:50 PM)

Saturday, January 24, 2004
-*Land upon the apples of truth*-

I moved back into the university on Friday afternoon and saw Matt off as well. He packed up and left.
I shook his hand.
I had a heart-felt moment that I might never see him knowing Matt's.. flakiness (pardon my lack of good wording). But I am sure with Joe and Phil still around, oh and let's not forget Rob, that Matt will indeed be back for Whitey Does Stony Brook: The Sequel, at some point.

I spent the earlier part of the afternoon from noon to 3 unpacking, taking a shower, moving shit around and being really sleepy. Sujy came over at around 3 and we went out to book store so she could spend gob-loads of money on books. Then went back to the campus bookstore and checked out other stuff there. We went to lunch at her parent's restaurant and chilled in my dorm eating some of the 22 some-odd fortune cookies freshly pilfered from afore-named eatery. We sure did have a lot of fortune that day. She headed out, sleepy, around 11. I went to bed shortly thereafter, bush-whacked from a day of unpacking and chinese food.

This morning I woke at 8:30 promptly to go to my all-day aca(pan-)demic advising workshop. It was fun, in some ways. I met some people, chatted very little, exchanged a few ideas with old people, and even learned some ways to better manage my time and improve my study skills. Anyhow, that lasted from 9:25 to about 5pm. I returned to my dorm and vacuumed the whole place while the RA was talking to me. It was quite a riot because she took my nodding as some sort of approval or understanding of what she was saying. I, in fact, probably heard about 20% or less of what she said. Shiny is so silly. I'm convinced the reason I did so poorly last semester was because of my fixation and lusting for her sexy body and dark hair. Not a chance. I told her that too and she looked at me like I was sexually harassing her. Then she smiled, slapped my arm and told me to go away. I told her, on the contrary, you're in MY suite, so why don't you leave - I mean, you live RIGHT ACROSS the hall babe.
Disclaimer: Grey is an asshole, but he's not harasser. I love Shiny. In the butt. Constantly. Eww.. nah, dude. That's such a sickening thought. She's short and has sharp teeth!

Tonight I'm headed to Pathmark with Sujy. She seems to be in need of some comforting after a long day with Chris and I get to be the shoulder. No problems, not the first time and certainly not the first girl. One day she'll move on, but it will take some time.

I wonder if anyone else is moving in tonight.


So yeah, I wonder if ANYONE is moving in tonight...

Jibbery-jabby. My froggy's all flabby.
Sear the night,
pies galore!
If only I had a pizza,
Glenn would want some more.

Toodles ninjas.

Grey (7:18 PM)

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Hired a new wizard today!
Happy! Happy!
Glenn also came back to coding and he's working on an area for SoA now.

I should mention something here tonight that I have put off saying for awhile. At first it took me a few days to understand what happened. The second time, it tooks only about an hour. Two nights ago, it only took about 1 minute to grasp and then several hours of shock recovery therapy held in Glenn's boiler room as he snored soundly in the other room. I'm speaking of lucid dreams.

At first, I found that I was easily able to induce myself into a state of quiet meditation. That blossomed into deeper meditation until those states became trance-worthy and I became susceptible to emotions within my own states of mind. This has changed. Lucid dreaming has become common place now. Nearly each night my mind falls into a captivating plethora of thought, will, emotion, and sense. Within these lucid dreams, it is as if I am living out a dream. It must be a dream; that's the only way I can rationalize it. But, they are much more set apart from any other state for one reason - they _are_ real. They do not seem real, or act real. There is no fuzzy dream border outlining my point of view in my mind while this is occuring. No. It is happening somewhere, somehow. What makes it feel so trippy and real? I not only feel emotional pain there, but actual physical pain. I can bleed, I can die there. That is what it feels like. I wake up in the same body, I think, with the same thoughts, maybe minus a few frow the initial shock, but overall I am still me as far as I or anyone else can tell.

This semester, I will return to possibly my last semester at Stony Brook. I will having many study sessions, group outings, and other good times. But the times I am looking foward too for having to be there will be my walks with Hetre Z, my downtime with Cornbread, and Thursday nights which I have decided I will use to meditate outside somewhere on campus, in a different place every week. Those who come, if they so choose, can participate in guided meditations with me and maybe even lead me into my the rear of my mind sometime throughout the year. I want this to be the best damn semester I 've ever had. And I want to share all that I can of myself with the few friends I have left.

I wanted to say something about that awhile ago as well. This break I lost two friends; Pat and Matt.

I didn't know you as a person really well, but I was fully aware of your insatiable appetite for alcohol and coupled with my insatiable appetite for litmus paper, our conversations were something of a lock-and-key mechanism that never made any sense but always seemed to fit. You'll be missed Pat. No one else could sleep so silently, so dilegently in a pool of their very own vomit upon the carpetted suite floor. And Pat, no one was worse at beer pong than you were when you were totally smashed, which was 24 hours a day, but only 7 of those were spent conscious. You will be missed Pat (for some strange reason/s)

Matthew Michaels, if that's your real name. You were like my best friend up at school. Whenever Glenn or Brad wasn't around, I could confide in you and tell you anything. You were like me, only white. You're such an asshole, and coming from me, that's the biggest compliment you'll ever receive in your whole lifetime. It came as a bit of a suprise that you had gotten into trouble with the University as you did, but shit happens, I know that. Dude, who am I gonna veg-out with when there's nothing to do? It really sucks to think you won't be around anymore and it's very disheartening. But I know you'll visit sometimes. It will be difficult getting used to you not being around for the first few weeks, but I'm sure we'll deal with it somehow. Thank you for Gulliver's Palace and thank you for the Roblog. Most of all, thank you for being my friend. You will be missed Mat (for reasons everyone knows).

Well, sadly, I mustsay goodbye to these friends. I will add them to the list of "gone and sometimes remembered people". Oh world, what have you been coming to?

If I knew how to heal the world, I'd sell it for a popsicle.

Later llamas.

Grey (3:13 AM)

Monday, January 19, 2004

Disclaimer: The following post depicts violence involving cartoon-like characters in a fantasy setting. Viewer discretion is advised.

Edited for content
Juele: 'I love you pepsi'
Grey says: but you...!
Juele: like simpsons
Grey says: YOU!!!!!
Juele: pepsi
Grey says: you have just committed the WORST CRIME KNOWN TO MAN!!!! YOU SAID YOU LIKE PEPSI!!!!
Juele: I was quoting Homer Simpson
Grey says: I'm sorry Stacy, this just isn't going to work out between you and I. I mean, look, you're a pepsi-lover, and me, well, I'm a coke-lover. and in this world, if there is any two things that cannot peacefully co-exist, it's such a union.
Juele: no silly, it was quote
Grey says: No no, now don't try to play it off as some cheap joke. I've read you thoughts sometimes. Sometimes you think about how much you would just LOVE to have a nice, tall glass of pepsi on the rocks. It's disgusting. I'm telling you, I won't stand for it! Repent now sinner! REPENTTTTT!!
Juele: lol
Juele: *poke*
Grey says: I know you can't hear me but i'm yelling REPENT!!!
Grey says: okie dokie there. sugar wore off
Juele: i don't drink pepsi silly, I drink root beer
Juele: and beer
Juele: and vodka
Grey says: i'm watching you


Jeebus. Of all the things in the world! Why? Why the purple elephants God?! WHY?!?

Grey (9:49 PM)

Friday, January 16, 2004

Time for the old wake 'n bake.

Drumroll please
*points to cat behind 5-piece set in corner*

My father needs me to go to the park to "watch" the place for an hour because he has "errands" to do.
Such bullshit. I've only been asleep for *checks watch* less than 4 hours.


I really hate how these rl posts don't stay consistent with previous posts sometimes.
Did I ever mention that I hate my family more than anything worth hating?

Grey (9:41 AM)

-*epistle realite*-

Errants have, as errants do, a will to ponderance.
The plagued soprano, number two, has not the vie of chimes.

When will the mys-ter-ee of chance reveal
to us another glance.
A misdemeanor at best it was to fall upon the greens of gray.
One did not know, nor thrice it felt,
to change the way the hue spit down.

To spin the harness,
around we go, 'til markers make the sky turn blue.
What have the cards got in for me,
or have they gotten dead?
Perhaps the bard knows.

A one, a four, a twenty-seven,
She reads them from the wall.
A socket there, will lie below,
availing to the fall -
of hungry hollows and ripened fruits
but one shall be not be savoured.

Bring forth the march,
To say this best, comes with a tear,
or be this that which mays?
Parade it on, so thick as lie,
Have you no shame dear sir?

How could it be, from the one to the four of twos
that escape became inevitable and harsh.
Torn usunder now, becomes the night
seeking only which shall break the twine
of disease and sick and suffering,
her heart becomes a paper cup.

Restrict you shall the words of heathens
and bare forth many winters.
'Til death do us never part
from sound mind, to bodiness.
Pour her soul into that which may be drank -
by such those known to kind and curtsey
to all those leaving town.

Bring forth, too, the rains of shadow,
the hearts of many now shone down.
If wishes were to bring the many,
Cast to the winds they would be.

Why not bringeth the dragon,
the one so true, of pale scale, blue eye,
green tongue, and strength.
Pure has no power over her,
She leaves behind what she wish.

For years to come, and they SHALL pass,
One brings the words of truth.
To her I say -
Cast not away the pain of plague,
you minstrel spreading hate.
The rude of you shall blend away,
into the dark of night.

With stones we shall show the
night so true,
the day will never come.
For you.

Forgotten never is to be the way of the story of the harpist.
Though years may swallow soul in hand and bring forth better days,
the ears of many heard true the words the message of the deliverer of peace..

.. Love remedies all the world,
.. in peace.
.. in patience.
.. in hate.

These are the words of the
soprano of Beleau.
May they bring peace to your heart and guidance to your soul.


Tonight I was in a writing mood but I did not write all that which my mind meant to speak. Instead, I meditated. I left the room of cold and warm and sought a mountain village. I was the messenger. I was her. I was the errant of the soul. Mission was my life and I was to speak to the world of the joys of sorrow and the release of heartly pain through love, honor, and desire. I am humble again now. I am tired again now. I've left my love on the streets of Beleau for the masses to take within.

Royality did not listen.
They tore me down.
They stripped my dignity.
And stole my crown.

Now, that body lies dead upon the very cobblestone which bore it.


Those interested in hearing more of the Soprano of Beleau, please inform me. I am considering a short story.

Goodnight my darlings.

Grey (4:40 AM)

Saturday, January 10, 2004
-*Realistically? If you say so Mervin.*-

I have been playing way too much Final Fantasy XI lately and I'm guilty of neglect to my precious MUD. I think that I will take a short hiatus from it shortly after Xerlic goes back to school. The much-needed vacation I had from the MUD has been ever-stretched to span over 3 months now and it's time to stop playing games. I'm going to become an active recruiter from now on and help out the new wizards that I and Angan hired this week.

- Bow and arrows as well as other ammo have been put in this week.
- Default speed modifiers that make daggers easier to swing and wield in combat than a polearm have also been put in.
- Angan is still running classes on LPC every Friday. Each class log is posted on the main board as well as placed in txt format in a now-new directory accessible to
wizards. Topics for the following classes are posted on the board at the same time and usually the Wednesday before the class is held.
- Troela is still awesome.
- Our worldmap is being re-mapped by Marcatil. He is adding meandering streams as well as 6 new terrain types including jungles and frozen lakes.
- Angan has taken over the Spring domain for the time being as well as maintaining ownership over the Autumn domain.
- The machine running the game has been updated to the most recent kernel and entirely bug-fixed. See 4th comment.
- Ah, Angan's classes have been moved to Saturdays at 3 to 4 mud time. (That equates to 9am-10am EST). Classes may also potentially run until 5h mud time.

If interested in helping, please stop by. To reach me on the MUD, click the banner at the top right. Help keep SoA alive even if I don't like you. Word.

Alright, that's enough normal-speak for now.
Toodles ladybugs.

Grey (4:18 AM)

Friday, January 09, 2004
-*Komodo heat*-

Ah, the days of new have arrived.

I have basked in the darkness.
I have seen the purple rain.

I think I understand what I have been doing these past few days. Addictions and queries have sent me back in time to make a realization concerning the dogs and the mice. She feeds them! OMG!

Anyhow, I have made progress in the areas I have found most profound. I am going to begin my work upon the piece of my mind and find new and better ways to describe the feelings of the un-existable non-existent.

The world is now not an oyster but a many-sided die of randomness and painstaking f'ugliness. The opening takes its chances and feels the fortune of the masses unwilling to pay the prices of labour. Deal with it.

Days of old are swept away.
A new key now is here to stay.

I will hop into something new and stay right where I am. I have found that that which is wanting has wanted me as well. I will try to re-form the pieces of the shadowed heart and lean forward to feel the rush. Extend my hand first, I will. Reach out my heart, next I will.

I am becoming less satisfied with the real. I am more interested in my dreams. Lately, I have found that staying awake until the point of collapsing offers me the very best dreams I can have. The feelings I have while sleeping are amazing coupled with the meditation beforehand that become so easy yet difficult. The hallucinations, the colours and the shapes, the pictures in my mind, and the feelings in my body are that I wish I could record and re-examine.

If only it were better days for reds and greens and grays.

I hope all I know and whom I know has been safe this day to point. Wishes are fleeting so have the best time of your lives. Yes, even you.

Take my love and make it clear
to me that you're the one for me.
Drown my fear and turn it black.
So un-done I might forget.

Grey (5:02 PM)



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