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The Past

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

This morning I got a wake-up call from Sweden. My gal Serenity dropped me a line on her RSVP status for StefenStock 2k3. It's basically a gathering of the peepz from my mud here at my place to chat and stuff. Blythe and Glenn left here at 2am or so and I went to bed at 5 after playing Vandal Hearts II for 3h. Serenity called at 8:30 and I haven't been able to get back to sleep since then. I am so tired of life and am stressing myself out.

I just wanna be happy. I just wanna travel away from here. I want to take Blythe with me. I want my friends to come along too. She might even be going to Stony Brook this semester but probably still won't date me for whatever reason. She isn't going to date me and think she can fool around with other guys though, nuh uh. I am so tired and sick to my stomach of being miserable in the mornings. I just wanna be happy, however I have to achieve that. Maybe I'm just selfish. I know I'm stressing myself out thinking about it.

My mother has been pulling the same crap lately too. Every since Christmas she's been using the phrase "Stefen, you're stressing me out" just for no reason.
*mom walks in door*
Me: Hey mom.
Her: Stefen, you're stressing me out.
Me: alright.

It's ridiculous. What the fuck have I done? I am not a horrible person. I may be selfish but that doesn't make me horrible on the whole.

I am just so tired.
I just want to be happy.
I want what I want.
Maybe that's selfish.
Well fuck you then.

I'm gonna talk to Andrea now then maybe attempt sleep again, though I know I'll fail at that like most other things.

Grey (10:02 AM)

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