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The Past

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

What if you felt overburdened?
Would you lie down and rest or struggle on until the end, feeling the pain of knives constantly stabbing your chest, lungs, and eyes?
What if this were all a lie?
Would you give up now or struggle on until the end?
What if all you know were to turn around and hit you in the face today?
Would you look the other way and shield yourself from the landslide?

I told Xerlic that I hate words. I said if my life were a galaxy, i could, at best, hope to describe all that which could fit on the head of a pin. This is what the words tell me. I don't use them anymore than they use me for their meaning. They rely on me to find the right ones and together, they sum up an idea. It may or may not be the idea I asked them to lend me, but it's as close as they felt like coming. Your eyes can derive something else entirely from the idea they mean to give because here, I have no tone. The words are devoid of sound, perspective.

I don't believe in the present anymore. I can't fathom the present. If it is THIS instance, it just went by and a new present has created itself against it's own better judgement and my will. It's a prison of presence; the one thing that would comfort me from the pain. What do you all know of pain? I know a at least of one or two of you have felt my pain in some way, and everyone else is probably a far cry from pure pain. It isn't hurt. It isn't falling off your bike.

Someday I might make public how I work. There is more to one being than words or a name or a blog. These are moments in time that do not stand for much. When this entry is done, when all my entries are done, there will be no more. You may wonder, you may question why for a moment, but it will all pass. What we achieve here can lead to a greyter good. Some day, one word I use here, or you use in everyday language may even change the world.

Want to discuss lacking something integral? This word. Just because we do not do something with our lives, even if we want to do it and just never do, does not mean we aren't good people. It doesn't mean it's not the way we feel. Because V didn't write a letter doesn't mean she doesn't disilke Bush. Just because we didn't do as we planned doesn't mean it was how I felt about it. Action is something I will never forget to take again. I will stand up for what I believe in even if it means destroying a thousand other people along the way. I will show my emotions from now on. No one will like this. Too bad. I am mine.

What else is there to say? Philosophy is a mind set. May it be with you all. May time be fair to those who are undeserving and may sanity lie always within your mind's reach. I will come back. I will be in the shadows of the blog. I will walk in many of the shadows you cannot see. I will be there, always, watching, even when you hate me for it.

I will not lie. I can be dangerous.

Who am I kidding? Go to sleep children. I will see you in your dreams.


Grey (4:42 AM)

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