Wednesday, April 28, 2004
All that which I feared is now coming to light.
The things I have tried to push back have invaded my space.
The anxiety attacks have started.
The downfall of dehuman is the inability to cope with emotions that should seem familiar but are not.
Those people I have not wished to see have sought me out and they will take me away.
People get what they deserve
I have deserved this for a long time and now it will shine through me like an unwanted horizon of blinding light and solidify upon my soul, paining me to push forward to the end.
I will have my end
If ever there was a doubt of unwitting fortune, then I have stumbled upon the largest cache of it. I cannot be saved and I will leave this place behind. Mother says I must soulseek, but she has taught me very little about such things.
The heat of renewance
Restless feeling and reckless abandon will lead me into the days of de'scoldarian and off into the months that are contained within the musicbox of the heart and the band playing in my mind. In english: This time I need off. Maybe I will go back, maybe I will not.
Le coeur qui douleurs
To be successful, I must find something I believe in. Peut-être amour. Peut-être perte. Peut-être une fille dans ma vie changera la façon que je vois le monde. Elle doit jeter la lumière sur le coeur d'ombre. Only time will tell in the days of coming wind. The wind, though, is another poetic inferiority on this day.
The crow of wane
The visitor unwanted has shown its face twice this week and a conversing of madness took place between the lobe interior and the feathered two of one. Opinions exchanged, hatred misdirected upon the trees that fell upon the grass of yesterday. Tomorrow was an after-thought said the Corvus prince and I shed a tear and nodded in agreement. 'Right all along!', I thought, and only now have taken the time to understand the caw of the black bird.
A day of old,
a day of new,
just one day
for us to renew
all that which has withered now
to leave a smudge-stain on the ground
and ask for just one more
chance at life.
To leave behind this pain
To find new ways to make it through.
I wish I was as strong as you.
Grey (1:31 AM)