Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Fleeting moments lost in time, a catch-22 every one-in-nine. The cereal box said so.
This afternoon I took a trip for myself, by myself. I am not sure how I got to where I arrived. I don't recall any planning, only pre-departure and post-arrival.
Around 4:15pm, I had subconsciously "convinced" myself that I should get dressed. There was an event with keys and a momentary lapse of alertness at a gas station. Pump.. pump. I ate lunch at the palisades mall in the most well hidden corner I could find, away from any walkers so as to avoid any old high school acquaintances that would more-than-likely attempt to initiate a conversation with me. The consideration and acquisition of CD-Rs took place, but none were purchased. At one point, I was so dazed I nearly left Best Buy with un-bought merchandise in my hand.
The loneliness settled in. I took a stroll to CompUSA and Staples, for whatever reason, and on the way it became difficult to discern what was white and what was gray. A busy Monday afternoon I insisted to myself, although there were not many people around and I think I had a close parking space, as I rode the escalator up again. The crowds were few but the people loud just the same. I paid little attention and walked right into a police officer who was talking on his cell phone. I probably forgot to apologize. I wished then that I had brought a pencil, or at least my calculator, but I am unsure why that would have been a sufficient replacement for a writing tool.
It was cold out, I know. I was wearing a T-shirt and sweat pants (my usual get-up) and most of the people around me were bundled to the max. I thought maybe they were celebrating chaunuka or taking a vow of chastity or something. Someone spat gum near my car as I approached. I clicked the car alarm by accident and frightened them, I think. I wish that had been planned. I really need a button on that thing for the turret guns, or at least the hunter-killer missile launcher I had put in at Dan Buckey (was a steal too). You'd be surprised the junk they offer you when there's a seatbelt recall.
I returned home and glanced at my desk. I chuckled at my TI-89. I asked, "Were you there when I needed you the most?". I waited for a response. None came. I took two advil.
I felt that urge to destroy, by which I mean clean my room. I found some large pieces of plastic and poster board. They were quickly made into smaller versions of themselves with the quickness of a katana and the use of a platform chair I found in grandma's room. In the end I made more of a mess so as to busy myself cleaning for an even longer period of time. You're still reading this lame-ass post? Go get a drink and come back.
*insert drink break here*
So after that was all done I had dinner2. Grandma cooked "crunchy chicken" and it was as good as Xerlic remembers it too. I noted that my father and sister were in their usual jaw-dropped T.V. watching positions at the bar, fork in hand, half way to mouth, eyes glued to the set. I imagined that they would both drool all over their food before ever completing an initial taste test, ruining their respective meals. That all happened in less that 1 second and I was faced with a lot of remainder time. I recalled they were watching Star Wars Episode II. I assumed it was on HBO.
Upon arriving back in my room, not recalling by departure again, I dusted off the screen of my very large and clunky gray television with the broken built-in VCR. The remote's batteries had been removed by my sister, I figured for use in some diabolical machine that would later be used to turn me into a wombat. I shook it off and gathered my thoughts. "Channel 53", I thought. Crap, Brittney Spears. The names was familiar. There were breasts. I stared, appreciating the lack of sound. I surfed down to 14 manually and caught the movie about 1/3 of the way through. "Wow. I've seen this like 25 times now," I told someone, and myself, naturally.
I took a short break to code up a room I'd been meaning to get out of the way since 2.2.01 according to the header in the file (that's February 2nd, 2001 for those who can't read numbers). Well that was easily remedied yet I still felt sick from lack of mechanical sense. It seemed like HBO was running on my time schedule and for that I was elated.
The commercial informed me the following feature was 'Insomniac'. The first thing that came to mind was that terrible show hosted by Dave Attell on Comedy Central, but I was in luck; it was a movie starring Al Pacino and Robin Williams. I was finally in my niche. I had found some peace and quiet and I knew I was going to sail right off into bed after the movie and some chit-chat with online friends. The first thirty or so minutes was great. The plot was coming together and a twist or two had happened. Just as the next resolution and/or plot-twist was about to happen, Uncle Danny walked into the room clutching my mother's laptop in his hands. He walked toward me complaining about something. I didn't even notice he didn't knock. I was trying to focus on what Al Pacino was saying but over his bitching (imagine a gay guy bitching at you) I couldn't hear a thing. He sat down on the bed behind my chair and as I was attempting to tune him out for just ten more seconds so I could get the gist of what was about to happen, he did _it_. He touched me. He tapped me on the shoulder. No. Fucking. Way.
I spun my chair around and looked at him.
"What?" I said rather bluntly and rather rudely.
"I thought you said you didn't watch T.V.?" He continued on though..
*futzing with keyboard* "Well, this DVD won't play on your mom's computer and I have the SAME one at home an.."
*grabs laptop from him hastily* "Is it in the drive?" *presses eject button*
"It should be, yes." *drive ejects* *I examine contents*
"Well I'll tell ya Dan - it's really hard to play a DVD upside-down."
"Oh I'm so sorry to have bothered you Steffie."
"Yeah, great. Here." *hands back laptop*
At this point I tried to concentrate on the movie again.
"This movie did NOTHING for me. I mean NOTHING. It was so terrible. Don't waste your time. I have this Will and Grace DV..."
"That's great Dan. Well I guess it won't do anything for me now that I know your opinion on it and I missed the plot entirely just now."
"Okay. Thanks Steffie. Bye." He exited my room at this point leaving the door open.
I finished watching the movie and I enjoyed it. I feel bad he had to sit through that movie if he didn't like it. It wasn't predictable and the acting was impressive to some degree. But, my night wasn't over. Danny came back to destroy my serenity again. I had a subtle thought about mass impalement and how I could build this machine, like the one in Army of Darkness, that impaled people instead of being a giant fan-like weapon. I'll continue since you're _still_ reading this trash.
I figured I would sit back and read this book that Greg had lent me. No, I didn't ask to borrow it, he just told me I was borrowing it. If only education was as forthcoming, I might be learning something. Danny barged in, again, while I was reading said book. He totally ignored the fact that I was READING to ask me where we keep the extension cords in this house. His claim was that I would know such a fact because "you live here".
I stared blankly at him, utterly frustrated from a) lack of respect for my privacy and b) total disregard for my downtime. I started in with words.
"Danny, I'm busy and no, I *don't* live here but for 4 months of the year. And it would be nice if you knocked before entering and had some fucking courtesy for what I was doing"
He took no time to answer, seemingly ignoring anything I might have to say. His reply was simple:
"Yes sweety, but I need an extension cord."
I was dumbfounded. I don't think that in my whole life I have ever made better use of the word dumbfounded until then. Perplexity; maybe. Stupidity; certainly. Flabbergasted; definitely.
I started off the day on a downward slope of faith in the human race. I ended the day on a swing, being pushed by shock and wonder going "Wheeeeeeeee" with every downdraft.
God - if you truly exist, please smote them. If I wake tomorrow and those who I have wished to be smote are smitten, then I will remember to say thank you. Actually, I'll probably forget, but you already know that.
(This section was to be edited, but I kept it in)
Grey (3:48 AM)