Saturday, April 03, 2004
Merona has retired.
Last night she decided she no longer wanted to fight the uphill battles she had been faced with recently. A part of her lost faith in herself and in the people she believed in. Merona was heart-broken. She enjoyed fishing and would spend days at a time in Vana'diel at Port San d'Oria, pulling up moat carp, laughing to herself or with the people around her; all-in-all trying to enjoy the Elvaan way of life.
But Merona lost her confidence. Something inside her realized she has working toward an end not of passion or variety, but monotony and a state of ennui. Merona wanted desperately to overcome the numbers set forth by the world at large. She proposed to herself that she would break outward, humbly, and become a true Knight. A fallacy of the heart.
It took only a short time, a matter of days in Vana'diel, for Merona to come to grips with her own form. She would sit in her Mog House and think for hours at a time about the happiness new adventurers felt, the adrenaline rush that captivates their soul at the strike of the iron, and the elation at high-tide they felt in Port San d'Oria. Somehow, it all fit together and it made perfect, irrational sense. She liked to watch the newbies from her window at night before bed, wondering, attempting to remember what it was like in the simpler days.
Transcendance was not an option. Humility was, to her, the epitome of true Knighthood. No longer would she swing the sword. No longer would she need to heed the call of the Paladin, nor the Oath of the White Mage. But deep down inside the thought of losing the only ways she knew, simply giving them up, was frightening. Deep down Merona was depressed. She was hopeless to help everyone she wanted to help in her life - she realized she wasn't a god.
Merona became content having nothing.
This morning in Vana'diel, she awoke away from home, in Bastok, knowing she must return to see her homeland once more before she would retire. She dressed as simply as she could, leaving Bastok and arriving in San d'Oria with only the clothes given to her from the moment of conception and tarnished Honor Sword at her side. The city gates welcomed her with a warm smile and greased hinges, just as she had remembered from the first day she had laid her eyes upon the gallant landscape she would come to experience as life over the next few years in Vana'diel.
Today Merona is finally happy. She found her soulmate and he was right underneath her nose all along; Moggie. Those times Merona would lay upon her bed, she would look upon the ceiling and wonder what it was all for - all the pain, anguish, days, supposed hatred, and plundering. Moggie was compassionate, caring, and knew just how to make her laugh when she needed it the most. Sure, there were others like Sister Avarice and Sasarai, but Moggie was untouched, free of the understanding of death. Hands bloodied, he would look upon her blemished skin thoughtfully, perplexed as to where she had been all day, and why she was so badly bruised. Moggie knew how to mend her wounds, and he always gentle and quick about it, unquestioning in his ways as to not stir up possible ill thoughts.
Merona is at rest now. Even right now, she is bringing home a bucket full of fish. Tonight though, she cooks. Moggie is no longer her servant, he is her friend. She cooks for him tonight. Tonight it's her turn to tuck him into bed. There, Merona is happy. Forever happy in the realm of Vana'diel. Maybe at night you'll see her peek out from behind her shy curtain and wave at you. If you look deep inside your heart, even your deepest wishes can come true..
Thank you to everyone who put/stood/waited up for me when Merona was busy getting dressed for a night on the town or before a big fight. Thank you Xerlic for understanding why I left and not coaxing me to stay. Thank you Atheldown for being our LS leader. You did a fine job no matter what myself or others may have ever eluded to. Thank you Avarice for being my twin, my Sister, and for chatting with me about silly things. Thank you to Sasarai who was one of the best players I have ever played with on any game. You were an inspiration and a swell companion. Merona won't forget anyone, she promises.
Goodnight Vana'diel. May your morning sun's horizon bleach the mountains in West Sarutabaruta like a magical dusting and the moon overhead cleanse the spirit in anticipation of a new day. Goodnight Vana'diel. I will miss you forever.
Grey (1:05 AM)