Thursday, May 27, 2004
I have spent the last two days trying not to be frustrated with my life. It hasn't been very successful, not at all. It is Wednesday night now (Thursday morning to you normal people) and I recall a week of nuisance now. I'm not going to complain about it here on the blog anymore, nor to myself in real life, nor to anyone who I thought cared at any point in time, or to any of my so-called "friends", or to any of the people I will see, sooner or later, this weekend.
My failures stem from not getting enough exercise I think. My brain can't think. The television is always on now, and it faces me on a strange 39 degree (mebbe) angle from my computer seat. There has been a three-quarters filled glass of water on my desk for I-don't-even-know-how-many days now but I can tell it's been there awhile as small bubbles litter the side, clinging to the glassy prison.
I tried to look for the futon's model number today. I figured I need to get on my horse about ordering that middle front peg-leg so I can start sleeping on that thing like it's my bed again and get rid of this old crap bed which has actually been treating me pretty well lately as it has alleviated my back pain somewhat. The number was quite out of reach, but the label in which it was printed flirted with me a bit today. It appears as though it is placed at the exact place in which a bar crosses right over it. The support bar for the piece goes right across the front of the label and all I can see is the very top part of it that reads 'MADE IN CHINA'. Not only is the label informative, but it is also very clever having placed itself in the stupidest of places possible. So, I gave up on the futon today. I need some allen wrenches.
I am out of hydrocodone. Tuesday night I peered into the bottle, spying four unused, untouched pain-relieving medicine pills. I decided I'd take them all and be mega-stoned that night and maybe even have a good dream or two. Sleep - I did that alright! I went to bed about 1:30am, relatively early for my summer sleep schedule, and did not wake on Wednesday until about 4pm. And this wasn't any of that crappy wake-a-few-times-but-fall-back-asleep kind of sleep. Hellllll no! This way punched-out-by-Mike-Tyson kinda sleep. The result was an overabundance of sleepiness all day and an early bedtime that night as well (~midnight).
Yesterday I formatted my computer. I cleared up my G drive and placed all my FF games on share again for the aim users and DC++ hubs. My mp3s will be there too, as soon as I move them back to their old spot again to share, as will my pictures.
My parents have been acting different lately, and it is beginning to worry me even though the changes appear to be for the better (in some cases). My mother has actively begun calling me everyday and coming home a little earlier to talk to me about my life. She is becoming more like a counselor than a mother, but I think I'm okay with that as long as she doesn't start imposing any motherly-type things in with that stuff. She admitted to not ever really listening to me save for big life decisions that she claims she did not want to alter anyway, like choosing my major, place of schooling, whom i was seeing, etc. She has been very patient and compassionate about the things I have said in the past week maybe in an attempt to make-up for all the years she didn't seem to care at all. As for my father he is still flakey about everything. I told him I had plans on Monday, he made plans *for* on Wednesday (yeah, that was tonight. funny how that works..). I was adamant about my positions, but he pulled his old assholic bullshit to try to guilt trip me for doing nothing. He even threw in the ol' you-don't-take-out-the-garbage-bit. Time and time again I have tried to make it clear to him that I only live here 4 months out of the year and that if he wants me to take out the garbage all he needs to do is ASK me, not assume I am just going to do it. That would be like him assuming I'm just going TO do it because I moved back in last week and I would be so eager to put trash on a curb because I've missed it so. Man, these people. Just ask me and I'll do it. Tell me like two or three days ahead and I'll take care of it. Why is that so difficult? *shrug* beats me..
To any of those people who feel I have been a total jerk lately - ok. That's cool. I probably have been somewhat starved for talking, but only to one or two of you. It's not like Brad calls me, or IMs me, or any of that bullshit. He's too busy playing FFXI for that, and his summer classes, too, I guess. About a handful of people have been actively talking to me, and while I appreciate your words and do (usually) enjoy talking to you, I need a break from MUD-talk every so often. I know this does no good as nobody reads this anyway, but I thought I'd mention in the event some sort of grape-vine exists wherein people actually convey my words. Glenn calls me about every other day, which is cool, but I find I have nothing to talk to him about anyway. He lives on Long Island, he has a girlfriend, a part-time job, goes to class 6h a day or so, is active at the church, and plays bass in a band and still manages to call me. I think he's nuts, to tell you the truth, but he's still a good friend I guess.
I don't want to hear about anything I'm not interested in anymore. I remember a time when I was more patient about the things in life. I was medicated then, happy, understanding, unlonely, and was considered a good listener by most. If it doesn't concern me, and if I don't ask about it, then I don't wanna know about it anymore. This goes for movies I haven't seen, games I haven't played or no longer play, people I couldn't care less about, and things of this nature. I'm not trying to be a "prick", I'm just trying to rid myself of things I don't want to think about needlessly. Seriously guys, live your lives and let me live mine. Sure, yours may suck, and mine may suck more or less than yours, but unless you're asking me far advice, don't pour your sobberies down my pants and I'll return the favor. Thank you to my lack of friends. Later.
Grey (2:44 AM)