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The Past

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

I have been trying to fall asleep off and on since about 1am, at which I felt exhausted. I'd lie down for 45m, get up for 20m, lie down for an hour and 20, pace for 10m, etc. I don't get it. I should be tired, I should fall asleep. Something isn't right in my head. Sleep seems like a lost cause at this point. I've been discovering many of those this past week.

Lately its been pretty up and down. Mostly, it's been down, but I've learned to relax myself a bit and just let it hit me in the face since there's no use complaining and I can't change the present, the past, or the future and if I could, I wouldn't anyway. I've been disappointing to my friends and those who see me as a mentor and a listener. Socially, I feel as though I should say I'm sorry to the people whom I've blown off, but it wouldn't feel right to apologize in a way I don't genuinely feel. But, I know people deserve those things and it is only mine to give at this juncture. Take mine sorrows.

The idea of McDonald's breakfast has been tossing around in my head since about 6:15am when I sat up in bed, crossed my arms, and tried to feel frustrated with myself for not passing out after all the thinking I had just done lying there with my eyes closed. Sometimes I'd peek just to make sure I still had the gift of sight. I knew I couldn't be entirely awake as I hadn't noticed the morning light until I physically turned my head and saw it coming through my black curtains.

I drew diagrams today. That is what I was thinking about for the past seven hours or so. I organized my markers today and saw I lacked a few so I asked my mom to buy me a set of ultra fine point sharpie markers in assorted colours which I described to her straight from a website. I had given up my search for them when two stores I visited on my own were sold out of them. She was at the mall so I figured she could stop by Staples. As it turns out no matter how well I described the items I required to her (series #, exact colours, and section where they are located in both Staples and Office Max), she still managed to screw it up and buy three poor quality Bic pens (not even markers, more on this later), in which 2 were colours I did not even request, and all were anything but fine point. Really, I thought she had started listening, but I was incorrect. As she handed me the bag my items were (supposedly) in, she has honest in saying 'I really didn't hear a word you said past "markers"'. It actually made me smile a bit, but I knew my diagrams would suffer for it. I wouldn't try to change the past anyway. Fuck-ups are more fun. Tomorrow I'll just go out and find the markers on my own at the places I asked her to. She had gone to CVS, too lazy to walk a few more minutes in a mall she had been in since noon. My phone call had been placed at 5:55 according to my cell phone's outgoing log.

I suppose while I'm out in search of my beloved Sharpie Fine Point Series 37000 markers tomorrow, I'll swing by Barnes & Noble and pick up the other D&D books I need. At some point this month I'll ask Cornbread to come make a Greg-return for me so their price will have been more-than-modest.

I picked up the newest Godsmack album 'The Other Side' and the tracks are quite swell. The acoustic version of Re-Align is most excellent and Spiral and Running Blind are great tracks as well. The price was fair at Tower, stealing a mere 8.99 from my wallet for a 7-track disc, only half of which were actually new releases. I collect fortunes from fortune cookies.

In a bid to write the never-ending post I'll note that my id is somehow trying to make my posts sounds less mature having moved toward a child-like state of word spliced titles, run-on sentences (thank god I left QC), multi-coloured diagrams, makeshift bows, the rise of poster-like pictures, the desire to own a tapestry or 17, mouseware denial, post-it notes everywhere, more run-on stuff, boxes of bent staples, the preservation of C-SPAN 'jumpy' muteness, computer reformats, amoxycillin, unclean drinking glasses, a graphing calculator (?), and the installation hardwood flooring. I don't really remember why I got up, but I started typing this post around 7:07am and it's almost 8 now.

Anyway, leave some love.. or hate. It's been awhile since I've really been hit with either so both are welcome. For those who really dislike the anonymous commenting - I am right there with you. I may require the assistance of haloscan once again. We shall see.

Goodnight (or god morgon)

Grey (7:25 AM)

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