Wednesday, August 18, 2004
In 9h I will be on a plane to Hawaii. This is my so-called summer "vacation" but all the people I try to escape from on a regular basis are coming with me. Rather, I'm going with them and there's no way to get out of it.
Even as distant from them as I am now, I feel that I only make it worse. I remember once when someone supported me in this opinion and said "she's only distanced herself from you the way she acts" and it made me smile once. I still don't smile enough but that never anyone but the one that said that. I have tried to become apart of my sister's life but she is still young (and incredibly ditzy) and I can't seem to make a mental connection to her. I think my mother has done something to stop that but I am unsure of a lot of thing now. I pulled myself away from Danny, my mother's brother, and said some thing I maybe should not have. Sure I am inappreciative and the reason is because I don't appreciate being forced into doing something I really don't want to do, particularly when I'm not consulted about it beforehand. I think that I would have been more accepting of this whole idea eight months ago if nine months ago I knew about it. It is entirely reminiscent of how the rest of this fucking family treats me.
The most important question I'm asked every week comes on Saturday night when grandma is in the city and mothers calls me (from two floors down in the same house mind you) to ask, "what would you like for dinner." Again, the spontaneity is unappreciated but on the whole it's not something disrespectful, aside from the blatant laziness of my own mother and lack of motivation to climb two flights of stairs to physically see her only, and most un-favorite, son. It's not exactly life or death but because I haven't thought about it I always tell her to give me a few minutes to think about it. I'm a simpleton and last week, as per usual, I said, "a cheeseburger." and she flipped her shit. She went on about how I'm easily satisfied (a wild but somewhat accurate statement) and tries to play 20-questions asking me why I don't want a lobster tonight or a great big steak. Sure I love lobster and god damnit do I know a good steak when I smell one, but I don't need to be smothered with the finest things a man can have. Furthermore, what the fuck does it matter what I want woman! You're just trying to convince me to eat something from a place YOU want to order from and regardless of the outcome of your persuasive action, due to the strange cravings you seem to often succumb to, you're going to make me drive to at least two different restaurants to pick up food anyway! So how about I get my cheeseburger and you get your popcorn shrimp and dad gets his chicken parmagiana? Is that sufficient? Yes mom, you drive my fucking nuts, and you know you do so why do you keep torturing me so? And you wonder why I think you are evil. Take my advice and don't offer your opinion until you're asked.
Anyhow, I'm starving. Greg was here since Saturday and we hung out and stuff and he left for Glenn's place around eight. I'm going to have to deal with this vacation thing I guess and if possible I'll try to make a post from the islands. Please enjoy the Joggy-Smokey Lady volumes. Oh, and for the two people who frequent the site that asked me about the first 3 volumes, they have been lost for many years now. I will get together with Xerlic sometime after vacation in an attempt to restore the original wording and atmosphere of the pilot episodes. Please stay tuned as during the school months, I will be moving the blog into a new phase. Tuesday will be regularly scheduled episodes of Joggy-Smokey (with guest columns once per months), Thursdays I will make spirituality posts for those seeking to discover themselves a bit more (I will try to provide you with book titles, programming, links, and advice if possible), and Saturdays will be week recap (boring rl shit some of you people actually like to read).
Ok guys, wish me luck on this excursion. If you have a god, please pray to him for my family members. Perhaps as I'm killing them there will be a divine intervention of some sort. (Heaven?) (I don't how to answer that question.)
Grey (12:56 AM)