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Two weeks ago..
The night before I had thought to myself that I had not seen any insects around for the past two days and that my house must be blessed by Vishnuu himself (I started looking into the Hindu religion so Ackmad and I would have something in common). Not once did I chock up this victory to a band a wall hugging fly catchers living on their silken homes devouring all the free food. This thought made infuriated me. I couldn't believe they had been leaching off of me this whole time and now they were out for revenge.
Yesterday..
So for the past two weeks I had decided that the spiders had best not get off so easily and each insect I spied upon became apart of dinner that night. For those who had always complained of flies in their soup, I address you now: they add tang. Now I see my decision was probably not one of my brightest as I had apparently induced a war with my eight-legged "friends". How was I to know they were always watching. Do they have as many eyes and they have legs? As it turns out, google says they do, and some have even more eyes than usual.
I took pity on the spiders now as the largest of them landed quaintly on my nose. I jerked in terror. I felt as though my arms were fastened tightly to my sides and I could not move at all. Jepetto, as he would later introduce himself, made his way ever-so-slowly toward the bridge of my nose and appeared to sit down.
"I am Jepetto, father to the spiders of your home," said the recluse.
"Uhm.. hi." I shuddered as I spoke.
"I know not what you have been trying to do but I bring a warning from the family. You are to cease your consumption of insects immediately! Do you not realize that you are a human being and we spiders require these insects for sustenance?," his voiced raised sharply toward the end of his statement as he slammed one leg hard (for a spider) into my cheek.
"I..I am so sorry! I didn't know! I wa.."
Jepetto cut me off, "Oh you KNEW! We spiders read minds. It is an ability that runs many generations deep into our past now and we do not take very well to inhospitable hosts! Please cease your actions at once or you will hear from us again. Thank you Miss and we WILL be watching you."
I closed my eyes for a moment, fearing what he might do next. When I opened them again I found I was alone and the spiders that dangled above my face were gone. Not even a web trail was left behind. Fluffy was snoring at the edge of the bed.
~The Epic Tales of Joggy-Smokey Lady, Volume 8
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