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Fluffy was her usual chipper self this morning, lying there on the window ledge growling at the neighborhood kids playing catch on their lawn. I was unsure I had actually felt anything that day. I mean, I know I woke up and I know I went out and I know I came back at some point but my memory was jogged now. The mail piled up on the coffee table. "I'm a winner" they say. I haven't really won anything and only now that I recall the sweepstakes do I actually want to send one of those in again. What if I lost my chance to steal Ackmad away from all of this, or maybe that young man in the SUV would notice me if I wore a blue hat or had prettier hair. I am so frustrated now!
I think I broke the vase and I definitely scared Fluf. My hand hurts too. Playing with nails and plaster was a bad idea and now the shower is all in disarray. The fish in the sink have all died and I haven't put up the new wallpaper since I tore down the old decor. That window has been broken for months now and the incessant whistling of the wind has about driven me to drink. I have no more amaretto. I have no more coke. I am in dire need of cola.
I picked up the phone and thought it was strange not to see a cord running into it. I used it just yesterday to call Brad Pitt. He is so pleasant on the phone. I thought about calling Dustin Hoffman to catch up on old times (it has been so long!) but no matter how much I shook fluffy, she wouldn't tell me where she hid the phone line. I think her tail fell off but I didn't notice.
Maybe tomorrow I will go for a jog. Yes, I will go see what is going on down the street. I think I will go get pizza. Mushrooms and pepperoni and I will bring some back for puppy and squirrel. I desperately need the Sears folk to come and unclog my kitchen sink. I will see about that humus now. Wait..
~The Epic Tales of Joggy-Smokey Lady, Volume 12
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