Monday, February 14, 2005
Getting things back on track slowly now. I've been trying to keep up on my readings both on the net and for school and whatnot, but it just seems like the schoolwork is taking up too much of my time. I know this is a bad way to look at it because that is what here to do in the first place, isn't it? (right?) I started using bookmarks more often lately and it has been helping me keep track of what's going on and stuff. Only now have I actually started to develop a reading strategy. I never could read before as it would seem so boring or pointless.
My tummy has been feeling funny the past few days. It feels empty all the time, and when I eat even the smallest portions it feels overfilled and I think I'm gonna throw up. I guess the other things I do on a normal basis aren't exactly healthy either, but I don't see how they could have adverse affects on my appetite. It's like something is wrong, all the time. If it's not one thing, it's another.
When I want something unimportant now, and don't emphasize that I want it badly (a pattern not uncommon with me these days), it seems as though someone or something is out to get me and they try to bring me down. Well they've successfully destroyed my morale. I've been trying so hard to be useful to other people and not seem so down about things and generally get my life in order, but it's not going smoothly at all. I feel like I should complain now, so I have been a little. And it's only fair that I have the right to. I never complained about things in my life and I know why people do it now - because it feels good sometimes.
In the end, I k now if I stick with my passions and work my ass off and keep quiet, controlled, and reserved, I can achieve whatever goals I seem to have made for myself subconsciously. It's like, I don't really want the drops or the gear, but I know I do. This isn't the issue exactly. It has nothing to do with the example at all. More analysis is required. Anyway, don't think too hard.
Grey (5:33 AM)