Monday, March 14, 2005
-*drawn in black*-
Again another idea is re-spun on a new spindle of anticipation and fortune.
Not really sure what to post today, but it felt like the kind of day that a post should be made. Taking advantage of the silence around here, I can focus a bit on words and try my best to put them down on the page in some fashion.
The ideas for the future have become hardened and softened over and over again in my mind. It seems less like indecisiveness and more like impossibilities weighting themselves using my soul as a counter-measure. I don't know. Is it really important to figure it all out? I would like to know what's going on in every aspect of my life but I am too preoccupied with doing things outside my interests during those times that I cannot devote even moments to considering other paths.
So it stands I will follow the trail through the thick and the thin even and come to a conclusion in which an unscalable walls stands before me and I have not the know-how or quick wit to decipher the script demanded of me. That's right, but that is wrong. And let's act like a tool to get this job, because society wants us to put a value on money and saturate our minds in self-interest fueled directly, but covertly, by avarice.
I can't deal with that, and I don't know why, but it hurts my heart to know that because I feel like such an individual, I will be punished by the mainstream. Thrown down to the ground and told not that I am wrong per se, as dictated by social cynicism and "politeness", but that I certainly am not correct.
I do not want more. I want only enough. Enough to have happiness and comfort and that is all. I'm not going to be rich or have fancy anything or show off or care what other people think of the way I dress, think, or feel. I have always been me, and WHY is that so god damn difficult for other people to deal with? I know! Because they're all a bunch of narrow-minded dumb-fuck pricks with their heads way up their asses and they choose ignorance and covet unequal distributions of equality and don't mind abuse of power. Wake up people, our world is so fucked. Stop helping.
Grey (5:17 PM)