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The Past

Thursday, March 03, 2005
-*falling down again*-

Placing a spin on a previous idea, I've gone with another context, time, and place.

Having failed to take action on what I really felt I needed was necessary, I've started to lose faith in my own physical being. The short of it is I have not been sleeping well at all lately. When I feel tired and strung out, I am not able to sleep or don't feel like laying down will solve anything. It seems to be only when I am absolutely exhausted and can no longer stand that my body forces me between the sheets.

I'm losing touch with reality because of it. I haven't been outside my quad in awhile, yes, that does mean I have missed classes in that time, and I am feeling even worse about it. It seems that I am mentally ready to take on the challenges in my life, but physically, my body requires more motivation than I am being offered. Tomorrow I am going to try something new. My plan will require a trip to CVS and a rude shower to jump-start my senses.

Tonight there is no bright side, unless you consider that later today there will most definitely be a new JSL up. I've already written it, but I need to think about it some more. Anyway, I feel like I'm in need of support. In fact I've felt like this for awhile between overwhelming feelings of abandonment and seething thoughts of loneliness. I know what I need to achieve and where I want to be a year from now and it's a happy place. Why then does it seem so much farther away than it is? It might be because I don't really want to grow up and be forced to throw away choices I'd like to have, even though I don't exercise them whatsoever.

No digression is good. Retardation is always a plus though. I'll see you guys later tonight.

Grey (2:48 AM)

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