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The Past

Tuesday, March 22, 2005
-*playing 5th*-

In my mind there are things that people need to hear. Fortunately there are not many things, but I am trying to put those thoughts into words as of late and I attempt to talk to the person that it would mean something to, but everytime I try to speak to someone on a level like that, I never get around to expressing what I truly wish to say.

There is one general overtone in every message intended for someone in my head. It goes something like it was fun while it lasted but I guess it's not gonna be the same between us ever again because we grew up/apart/away, etc. and we sorta ended up where we no longer understand each other so I'm no longer going to consider you as a "friend" and I'm going to forget about you for the most part until I read about you in the paper as the victim of an unfortunate accident or something like that. [End thought]

That's not really the gist of it either. There's a lot more specifics, by person of course, and the overall idea doesn't capture what I truly mean to get across. But I take a view from a conversation I tried to start and failed at tonight: sometimes you take that extra-extra step just to make sure, and it still sucks. I guess that's just what I wanted to say, no implications or anything, just right there on the table. But you know, I am really sick of shit not going the way I would like it to and being dicked over and shafted by people, and moreover, HATED by people that really don't know me at all. Mostly, I'm dissatisfied with the people who have things they feel they want to say to me, but are too scared, worried, or conscious about what those things might set in motion. *sigh*

At this point in my life, I really am ready for a change. Here's something I'm going to lay down straight too: I am ready for whatever anyone has to say to me right now. I'm tired of beating around the bush of endless nonsense only to be more clueless after talking to you people. Just say what you want to say, mean what you want to mean, and if you think you're too scared to say something to me, just wait 'til you actually say it to start feeling how good it will feel to have said it. Just stop it.. just quit it. I'm so sick of it ok?

Why must everyone be so difficult with me? (at the same time!!) If you want me, come and get me.

Grey (1:54 AM)

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