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The Past

Friday, April 22, 2005

Lately I've been considering moving the blog to a different stage again, but just the other day some words came to me that I didn't want to hear and I don't want to have any part of anything like that.

I'm going to be on my own for awhile after school, and probably even longer after then. What I want, I'm not getting, and my window of opportunity to others has pretty much closed now. I still feel what I feel, but I'm no longer in the mood to pursue anything to progress those feelings. What I was told the other day by another person was that they felt for me in a way I could not return. A sticky situation for me, and a disgusting one as well.

No one knows me, not even the ones that have gotten to know me so "well" in the past few years. No one has ever really cared enough to ask me how I feel about this or that or get my opinion of things. Frankly, I don't share anything with anyone either, and I dislike chit-chat. I want engaging conversation, I want love, sure, but what's it matter? It doesn't. Love obviously isn't strong enough to keep the things I want together anymore. I'm losing belief in it. I don't think I will ever say that word again.

I'm going down now,
fast and furiously into a void.
A void of no return.

I'm tired of the ways things are and it's not that I don't have patience. But right now, I'm not interested. Nothing to keep me interested or hooked, so I don't believe it's going to happen the way I'd like. No lovey-dovey stuff, no understanding, no chit-chat, no games. ReHuman is as far away now as it was in the beginning.

Grey (11:52 PM)

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