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The Past

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

I haven't really been as upset or demanding on the inside as I've been writing lately. I think my subconscious is far more impatient than I am. Sometimes I feel as though my insides are trying to tear their way to their outside and manifest themselves as something more than I am prepared to handle.

What I have been is annoying and improper. While still managing to fetch approval from the one I share most my feelings with, I can't help but feel like everyone else is looking down on me somehow. Claiming hypocrisy would be too far out-reaching and telling me to chill out doesn't always seem like an appropriate way to approach me in the eyes of others. I like the way things are going right now, for the most part.

The rippling tide of words and feelings inside will only be smoothed out by the sharing going on right now and time well spent with who really matters. I do what I can and keep what I earn, emotionally and mentally. At times I really feel myself slipping but I know that if I just catch myself every time, then everything will work out for the best. All my love and all my patience will pay off and it'll all be just fine; this I know.

So I'm not going to worry and instead bathe in the time I have left - for me. Every day is a new day, closer to where I want to be, deeper into my life and farther from the beginning. Who am I and what is becoming of the person I used to be? Sad, lonely, depressed. Maybe inside I am meant to be all those things, but if I only focus on what I am supposed to be and not tend to what I could be, then I'll never blossom and become the man that wants to provide everything for who he truly believes in and loves.

Tomorrow is a new day. Joy for others and may a brighter light shine upon your day.

This is the conclusion of Forgiven Moonlight.

Grey (2:43 AM)

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