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The Past

Sunday, August 21, 2005
-*craptastication volume 28*-

The week from hell is over.

That's right. I spent four(4) whole days with my family in Montreal against my will. My loathing for them only grows at a steady rate. Seems like my sister is the only cool one out of them all. But that's just because she's only 17 I guess. Both my uncles are obnoxious. My aunt is a complete self-centered bitch. My mom is well, my mom. My dad is completely lost within the emptiness that is his own mind. I'm not going to complain past this as it will only make me angry and I have already gotten over most of the crap I had to put up with. In short--there was an argument, a harsh decision, and no compromises this time.

So I'm going back to school in the fall. A shitty college, some shitty classes, so I can get my shitty degree in May(ish). I'm hoping that it will put me on the track to success or something stupid like that. Of course I'm completely denying the observations that none of my friends actually pursued a career that had anything to do with their degrees. But whatever. Supposedly I'll be able to get a "better job", but realistically (analysis of terminology actually), "any job" is better than "no job" so I can't acquire a "better job" in my current state due to the following: unemployment. I tried, I failed. Or perhaps others failed me. In any case I'm growing poor and it's time like this I wish I was a "gifted" woman so I could go work at a strip club and survive on tips alone. Hot girls have all the opportunities. Drat.

In retrospect things are looking up, but I can't seem to place my chin any higher than my chest. It's just so.. shitty. My whole situation. Everything bugs me and the past week didn't really help resolve anything. Even when I got my acceptance letter I really didn't care. My reaction was one of expectancy, as if I knew no matter what I'd get in one of the billion colleges I applied to, but it was also unmoving. It didn't effect me like I thought it would two months ago when I was so gung-ho about going back to school and being done with it all. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I'm just lonely I guess. Vhary called today, that was cool. She was sad though and I didn't know how to comfort her. I feel so inadequate. Maybe I need a real girlfriend.

Grey (8:15 PM)

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