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The Past

Monday, August 01, 2005

The past couple of weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster.

I haven't been able to find a school that will accept me and the last drops of hope I had for getting a job (even one I knew I'd hate) have slipped down the sink.

Glenn's wedding was a happy moment. Seeing him up there at the altar I almost wanted to cry tears of joy or sadness, but I couldn't decide which, so I didn't shed any. I questioned myself a lot that day, but not about the things you'd think. I felt strange, noticeably strange, but not in any sort of overwhelming or bothersome way. I should've said something about it to someone but I didn't.

I've been hurt by some that I thought were trustworthy. What I dislike most about others is when they prove me wrong, but not for stupid, unimportant reasons. Rather, when they do it because I assumed them better people than they actually were. It squeezes my heart. It's as if a spiny hand is clutching it and grasping too hard.

In the shadows feelings have been a-brewing. I still feel the same way about most people in my life, and some have even come out a little more about what they expect from me and have given me advice on how I should act, and I have mostly taken it. I can accept when I am incorrect or acting out of turn and I like to be told when I am pushing the tape. Still, advice isn't what I truly need. It's a life. Maybe someone to hold me when I need to be held.

And all those that became so ungrateful, so unhelpful, and so uncaring as a result, in the end hurt us all. They hurt me, and my "friends" and I don't think I can forgive them rightly. They knew what they were doing was wrong and.. I'm too tired to say it over and over really. What's done is done and they got what they wanted and took the rest of us down with them. ITV is lost now. I don't know where I'll go from here.

Life is always taking these sharp turns and it's becoming so tiring. I've wanted a life that was interesting, somewhat fast-paced, and exciting at its core, but this is crap man. I'm drowning now..

I'm drowning now
for you
because I've got nothing
to hold onto.
Because you're dragging me down.
Yeah, down.

Grey (12:59 PM)

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