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The Past

Monday, January 09, 2006

What hurt on the inside? She didn't know. Perhaps some uncertainty from the past, or the burning sensation she felt in her breast every time she had those thoughts. Thoughts. Her life wasn't as simple as she made it out to be. There was plans left unplanned and days slept away because she was lazy and she knew it. She didn't care to think about the future as much anymore, even though it was really all she was working for now. Everyday thinking, sweating, fucking, sleeping, over and over, to what end?

"Mia?" Her mother's soft voice crept in through the small space between the frame of the wall and the door. She came in warm and invited. "Honey have you seen the cat?"
Mia laid up in bed, rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?" she asked.
"Honey it's eight o'clock at night, why are you just getting up?"
"I dunno mom. Lately there hasn't been a reason to go to bed before the sun comes up and wake before it goes down."
"I see. Well you're gonna screw up your period again."
Mia plopped back onto her mountain of pillows, falling between two or three of them as they swallowed her. "Bah, whatever. It's not like I'm getting pregnant mom, relax."
She began to make her way toward the bed. "It's just an expression dear. I'm not being serious." She sat down and heard and fierce hiss.
"Found the cat I see."
Her mother jumped up startled. "Oh my! Yes I think I have!". As she said this the cat went racing out of the room and down the stairs. Her mother took a gentle stroke across Mia's right cheek. "Dear, how is that boy you've been seeing?"
"Wonderful." She said it in such a way as to promote a feeling of disgust but awe and love all at once.
"Hmm. Well that doesn't tell me too much. That's ok. You're young and pretty and attractive. Even this one doesn't work out, there's at least a million other guys that you can always try out Mia."
"Uh huh. Mom no one likes me. I'm weird."
"Gifted, Mia. Gifted."
"You always say that!"
"Well it's true! What else do you want me to say! Nobody else I know can talk on the phone, chat on that computer, play with the cat, and brush her hair at the same time!"
Mia burst out laughing. "Mom."
"You always know how to make me laugh."
"I'm not good for much else hon. I can't keep you off the streets or off drugs, so I do what I know I can do best--bring a smile to your face. But don't do drugs or anything just the same."
"Mom.." Mia gave her mother a blank stare. "Jacob's the only drug for me."
"Well don't go getting too addicted then dear. If he leaves the country or something, I don't wanna hafta deal with an addict going through withdrawal. You might kill me or something."
Mia laughed as hard as before, and for even longer, ending off with a deep sigh.
"I dunno mom." She paused for a moment to stare at stars on the ceiling. "I just don't know."
"You don't have to. But dinner is ready so come eat some. Or is it breakfast time for you?"
"Pish. I'll be right down mom." Mia chuckled a bit and pulled her naked body out from underneath the sheets and threw on a robe.

Her mind had been racing, so she played with her necklace. She didn't get any sleep that night, or day, but felt accomplished for some reason. To her, accomplishments came in small bits, instead of as one big event. She was gonna wait for the call the rest of the night, play hard-to-get, because she could. She was hot, and maybe other boys did want her, but they'd never listen. Just fuck. Fuck, she thought. If only she were doing that right now.

~Seven Times Once, Chapter 12

Grey (5:34 AM)

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