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The Past

Tuesday, March 07, 2006
-*one piece*-

Sorry for lack of updates. I had exams the past two weeks and any of my free time has been spent gaming. I have the next STO ready more-or-less, just waiting for the right time to post it I guess. Actually I've been toying with the perspective for a couple of hours over the past week or so. I want to get it right because it's such a confusing story to follow as it is already.

I've been doing a lot of thinking in my free time as well. Mostly I've been concentrating on non-violence and the philosophies behind it and also, well, ways to implement it in my life as well as a leader in my gaming group. It is something to simple on paper but probably the most difficult thing to get people to agree on. Truly I feel that people are warmongering asshats that desire a certain amount of conflict, as well as a certain amount of peace, but they get off on creating and experiencing the conflict far more than simply being at peace with one another. It is as the orcish barbarian that lusts for the thrill of battle (only less bloody in human terms).

Several pieces of literature come to mind, none which I will mention here, when I consider these things. Often I wish there was less conflict in the world and in my linkshell, but I know to some extent it adds flavour to the life of the gamer. Some people I know consciously avoid joining higher level end-game shells simply because of the drama and chaos associated with them. But I hate discussing that game and so I wish to switch gears a bit now.

I want to be able to entertain. The way I have carried myself as of late, I feel like I am losing some of my motivation in life. Soon I'll finish school and move onto another part of my life wherein I will face new challenges not unheard of due to the nature of parents and "the real world" stories people launch at me, the unwilling victim of their constant oral assault about the difficulties that lie ahead and yadda yadda yadda.

Actually I am interested in this one girl now, thought she is a bit older than me. She seems nice and I'm thinking about asking her out for coffee, or a fuck, or something. I know I'll come up with the answers I need sooner or later, but for now I am content in knowing that I still have confidence left in me. I am about all grown-up now and there's no more "When I grow up I wanna be.." things anymore. I realized while growing up that the bullshit they feed you as a child is just that. You can't really be what you want to be, or desire to be, you actually have to work for some things in this world, and rarely will you get so lucky as to be considered so important that you are honored with a free degree or something. No one is going to hand you a purple heart and certainly no one is going to make you the President (although as it seems, anyone can "run" the country these day, so long as you have a great deal of money and are a talented bullshit artist. Oh, and appealing to hicks helps too since there's more of them than actual civilized people in the Divided States).

I digress. This was really just a check-in post. So no, I'm not dead, as some of you may have wished in the past, and no, I'm not going to be moving the blog to the next phase of development yet. STO will probably finish(start) in BeHuman Volume 2 though, as I don't see the ending(beginning) having much relevance to the topic of learning how to be human due to the characters being so raw in nature.

STO post coming soon. Hang in there, since I know that's what most of you still come here for..

Grey (12:04 AM)

1 Other reports:

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