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Top 15 things I learned in Hawai'i
15. Mahalo means "thank you"
14. They have Luau every single night.
13. Being a fat man that plays the ukelele is cool.
12. Ohana does actually mean family and mine still sucks.
11. You forget your own name after the 8th maitai.
10.
o/~ tiny bubbles
in the wine
makes me feel happy
makes me feel fine o/~
9. Getting leid never fails.
8. Wearing they flower on the left side means you're single or just trying to be fashionable.
7. Everyone is so laid back, marijuana ought to be legal.
6. McDonald's uses letters instead of numbers.
5. Like the eskimos and "snow", Hawaiians don't have 40 words for "friggin' hot"
4. You can get just about anything done in fifteen Hawaiian minutes.
3. ABC translates to CVS and they're everywhere.
2. Everyone is your cousin.
1. If you make a fist and extend your pinky and thumb and wiggle it, that means "hang loose".
synopsis:
Day 1: sucked
Day 2: sucked
Day 3: sucked a lot
Day 4: sucked
Day 5: half sucked because coming home didn't suck.
Just around the previous corner
Everything went smoothly concerning the party and meeting new people and spending time with everyone (and partially dealing with their bullshit) and in the end it left everyone with a smile on their face and a pillow over my head. In a sense I have been annoyed at the world because of the inferences that they are programmed to draw from words and actions. My lack of faith in people has been renewed and I see problems on the next block of the world. I am finally realizing what it means to live as a human being in a society of complete morons. Or do I still have much to know?
Right now..
Well I made it back to school above all the white noise and whatever. I have an unexpected roommate this semester which seems like it ought to be a blast. Reb is over there and I ask him what he's doing every ten minutes to fuck with his head. As for Joe, he's being a hermit, that which I wouldn't mind being myself. I have my ways of avoiding people; they're just not top-tier plans of action with a mission statement and backup procedures. Right now I'm very annoyed.
People talk 'at' me a lot as if I'm supposed to be listening but I'm really not. To some, I feel guilty because they are really trying to be my friend and I give them the same treatment as everyone else. But that's what I remember learning in DeHuman. I recall making a considerable amount of promising to put people on an equal playing field, but now it is becoming more difficult to understand why friends have different a subjective worth and why they should all be treated differently. Is this habit supposed to bleed like the ink bolter onto the parchment of life concerning everyday people? Guh... I'm not even going to spell-check this post.
Tomorrow..
Don't ask because I actually don't know. I'm struggling with scheduling problems already and I will tomorrow be even more annoyed. Anyhow, it IS tomorrow already and I should be asleep. BYE.
I got dressed earlier than usual this morning, putting my hair in the usual pigtail style. I threw on my best gray sweat pants and shirt. I powdered my nose and laced up my sneakers. I had a good feeling about today. As I took a stroll down the road toward the gas station I saw a pretty white limousine and wondered what kind of important people were in it. I made a mental note to pick up a newspaper when I got my cigarettes. I thought about what I would do with all the free time I would have if I won the big prize.
As I approached the Getty I saw two children on bikes and they pointed, laughing at something behind me I think. I turned around to check but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. They were gone by the time I looked back across the street. I poofed my pigtails back up and trotted the last half-mile to the station.
Ackmad wasn't working today and I felt uneasy buying my nicotine from some strange lady behind the counter. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him in a few days. I didn't know what to do. I was in an argument with Tom and Mauve from the Rest Home and Fluffy has been avoiding me all week for some reason. Things don't seem right now that I think about it. That good feeling I had earlier went away. I think maybe I'm depressed about something but I don't know what it could be. I know what will make me feel better! I'll jog all he way home!
~The Epic Tales of Joggy-Smokey Lady, Volume 10
What is in store for Joggy-Smokey Lady next week? Why is Fluffy avoiding her? What do Mauve and Tom have against her? What's on her mind? Where has Ackmad been? What were those kids laughing at and who where the people in the limo?? And what could the spiders be up to? Will more will be revealed in the next episode of The Epic Tales of Joggy-Smokey Lady? Tune in next week and find out..
Even as distant from them as I am now, I feel that I only make it worse. I remember once when someone supported me in this opinion and said "she's only distanced herself from you the way she acts" and it made me smile once. I still don't smile enough but that never anyone but the one that said that. I have tried to become apart of my sister's life but she is still young (and incredibly ditzy) and I can't seem to make a mental connection to her. I think my mother has done something to stop that but I am unsure of a lot of thing now. I pulled myself away from Danny, my mother's brother, and said some thing I maybe should not have. Sure I am inappreciative and the reason is because I don't appreciate being forced into doing something I really don't want to do, particularly when I'm not consulted about it beforehand. I think that I would have been more accepting of this whole idea eight months ago if nine months ago I knew about it. It is entirely reminiscent of how the rest of this fucking family treats me.
The most important question I'm asked every week comes on Saturday night when grandma is in the city and mothers calls me (from two floors down in the same house mind you) to ask, "what would you like for dinner." Again, the spontaneity is unappreciated but on the whole it's not something disrespectful, aside from the blatant laziness of my own mother and lack of motivation to climb two flights of stairs to physically see her only, and most un-favorite, son. It's not exactly life or death but because I haven't thought about it I always tell her to give me a few minutes to think about it. I'm a simpleton and last week, as per usual, I said, "a cheeseburger." and she flipped her shit. She went on about how I'm easily satisfied (a wild but somewhat accurate statement) and tries to play 20-questions asking me why I don't want a lobster tonight or a great big steak. Sure I love lobster and god damnit do I know a good steak when I smell one, but I don't need to be smothered with the finest things a man can have. Furthermore, what the fuck does it matter what I want woman! You're just trying to convince me to eat something from a place YOU want to order from and regardless of the outcome of your persuasive action, due to the strange cravings you seem to often succumb to, you're going to make me drive to at least two different restaurants to pick up food anyway! So how about I get my cheeseburger and you get your popcorn shrimp and dad gets his chicken parmagiana? Is that sufficient? Yes mom, you drive my fucking nuts, and you know you do so why do you keep torturing me so? And you wonder why I think you are evil. Take my advice and don't offer your opinion until you're asked.
Anyhow, I'm starving. Greg was here since Saturday and we hung out and stuff and he left for Glenn's place around eight. I'm going to have to deal with this vacation thing I guess and if possible I'll try to make a post from the islands. Please enjoy the Joggy-Smokey Lady volumes. Oh, and for the two people who frequent the site that asked me about the first 3 volumes, they have been lost for many years now. I will get together with Xerlic sometime after vacation in an attempt to restore the original wording and atmosphere of the pilot episodes. Please stay tuned as during the school months, I will be moving the blog into a new phase. Tuesday will be regularly scheduled episodes of Joggy-Smokey (with guest columns once per months), Thursdays I will make spirituality posts for those seeking to discover themselves a bit more (I will try to provide you with book titles, programming, links, and advice if possible), and Saturdays will be week recap (boring rl shit some of you people actually like to read).
Ok guys, wish me luck on this excursion. If you have a god, please pray to him for my family members. Perhaps as I'm killing them there will be a divine intervention of some sort. (Heaven?) (I don't how to answer that question.)
Toodles!
The other day I receive a letter from a sweepstakes saying I was in line to win 10 million dollars. That is so much money I wouldn't know what to do with it all! I told Fluffy but she was too tired and lazy to jump around on the bed with me and instead growled while staring at my ankles as I disturbed her 4pm nap. When the letter came it was in a mysterious brown envelope wrapped up all secret-like. I could understand why they'd do such a thing. What if someone posing to be me was playing "for" me and claimed my prize in the end! I've heard too many identity theft stories from the paper and TV. So I read the contents of the letter and mailed it back as they wanted me too. If 10 million dollars was that easy to get then I wish they'd sent that letter earlier.
I told Mauve at the Rest Home all about the money that was coming to me and I told her about the car I wanted to buy (I love Periwinkle!) and I promised to get her out of that place. She said it was all a sham but I didn't know what she was talking about. As she rambled on about some contest where I was only one of thousands of people chosen I laughed on the inside and ignored anything she really had to say, but kept nodding as I daydrempt about what I could buy. She was jealous, that's all it was. No one was sending that old bag of bones any money. Not even one dollar for Mauve. I got angry and told her I had to go pick up more cigarettes at the station.
I jogged to the Getty and headed into the Kwik Mart. Ackmad wasn't working today. I wanted so to tell him that I would take him away from here and we could move to a desert island and be together, forever in love; just the two of us and the dog. I wished then that I knew where he lived. OH MY GOD! Ten MILLION dollars!!! My heart started racing and I couldn't breathe fast enough to slurp up the oxygen my lungs wanted so badly. I cough and wheezed and lit a cigarette as I exited the shop. I wanted to run home and dance. So I did.
~The Epic Tales of Joggy-Smokey Lady, Volume 9
Two weeks ago..
The night before I had thought to myself that I had not seen any insects around for the past two days and that my house must be blessed by Vishnuu himself (I started looking into the Hindu religion so Ackmad and I would have something in common). Not once did I chock up this victory to a band a wall hugging fly catchers living on their silken homes devouring all the free food. This thought made infuriated me. I couldn't believe they had been leaching off of me this whole time and now they were out for revenge.
Yesterday..
So for the past two weeks I had decided that the spiders had best not get off so easily and each insect I spied upon became apart of dinner that night. For those who had always complained of flies in their soup, I address you now: they add tang. Now I see my decision was probably not one of my brightest as I had apparently induced a war with my eight-legged "friends". How was I to know they were always watching. Do they have as many eyes and they have legs? As it turns out, google says they do, and some have even more eyes than usual.
I took pity on the spiders now as the largest of them landed quaintly on my nose. I jerked in terror. I felt as though my arms were fastened tightly to my sides and I could not move at all. Jepetto, as he would later introduce himself, made his way ever-so-slowly toward the bridge of my nose and appeared to sit down.
"I am Jepetto, father to the spiders of your home," said the recluse.
"Uhm.. hi." I shuddered as I spoke.
"I know not what you have been trying to do but I bring a warning from the family. You are to cease your consumption of insects immediately! Do you not realize that you are a human being and we spiders require these insects for sustenance?," his voiced raised sharply toward the end of his statement as he slammed one leg hard (for a spider) into my cheek.
"I..I am so sorry! I didn't know! I wa.."
Jepetto cut me off, "Oh you KNEW! We spiders read minds. It is an ability that runs many generations deep into our past now and we do not take very well to inhospitable hosts! Please cease your actions at once or you will hear from us again. Thank you Miss and we WILL be watching you."
I closed my eyes for a moment, fearing what he might do next. When I opened them again I found I was alone and the spiders that dangled above my face were gone. Not even a web trail was left behind. Fluffy was snoring at the edge of the bed.
~The Epic Tales of Joggy-Smokey Lady, Volume 8
Twice doth the query-tail.
In an attempt to rid my mind of the heavy things I have been a bit more talkative lately and a part of me hasn't quite figured out what I am up to actually but it has still been somewhat alleviating. While there have been some very hazardous signs, many of them have been too weak to play up as circumstantial evidence. As one would imagine there have been very vivid images of hope in some of these pointers while other points of light are so dim that one can barely identify, much less classify them, at all.
I thought maybe I'd just ask and see what was up but I didn't really want to disturb a harmonious kinship at the time but now I'm just getting to the point where I know it's kind of a do-or-die situation and regardless of the outcome, quite frankly, I don't need the responsibility even if the scene turns favorable. I think I have just been fooling myself anyway and have been interpreting yellow lights as green lights and green lights as red lights. Honestly, what's a guy to do when the circumstances are as they are anyway? Someone says I have nothing to lose and maybe she's right. On the other hand, what I have is what I'd rather not lose and the more I ponder my proposed actions the less confident I feel, and naturally, I am increasingly deterred as well.
Refraination (re-fra-nay-shun) seems the likely route to take but I can only keep myself contained for so long before the whimsical pony of time bares down and delivers to me a mule kick of a persuasion I've never known. Personally, it's all donkey doodoo to me but I might just be in love. Eh, what do I know..
front-sider interrogation (backtrack the wheeler prime)
One problematic conundrum has been settled, leaving only one. If only you guys knew how warm it made me inside (although previous to such sleuthing I was only annoyed as hell). Now that one set of events has gone to completion, and I would like to comment that it was the stupidest assumation (ass-uhm"ay-shun) of straight-honest-talky-truth-speak that I had probably even had. I am glad that lies and deceit were left at the door. Truly this must be the mark of a real friend, no? Thanks dear. I appreciate it.
conclusionary measures ("'teh' end" [teh-nd])
Right, so everything is better today because I was given the opportunity to get a lot of things off my mind ([land]mine). But there are still many burning questions